One for my heart ache, two for good luck
by Blindev0lution
Summary: A jade west suicide story. Will she be saved in time, or will she succeed in her attemp? Unloved by family, she struggles with her situation and what it's lead to. Rating it mature. Triggering, maybe? Bade story for sure, if I write more than this chapter. Oh, and review.!(:
1. Chapter 1

Jade took a steadying breath as she looked at herself in the mirror. _One_ _last time_, she breathed to herself. One last time she would have to suffer seeing the one person she hated to face the most. Herself. It wasn't that she was unhappy with herself. No, she was a great person. . Once you got past her quirks. It was her situation she hated.

Her family had long been broken. . . The separation and money struggles, she could handle. That was normal, right? Most homes in the world struggled with those things. It was the anger, belittling and abuse she could not handle. Her mom was emotionally absent, even though physically she was present. It was as if they had no connection. Well, no HEALTHY connection. They were more enemies with no reason or desire to see each other. Whenever they were in the same room jade was subject to cutting remarks that ranged from how fat she had gotten, to what a '_stupid bitch_' she was and would always be. _Just like your__** father**_. The four words that killed her the most

Daddy West. He was insane, to say the least. A real stand up guy (**_sarcasm_**, obviously). He swung from physically abusive to overly caring. Jade couldn't get a grip on what he wanted or when his mood would be sour. She tried to steer clear of him as best she could. It was hard though, when he had sole custody of her. Most of the time she stayed locked up in her room or in Beck's RV.

Beck. . Beck was the best thing she ever had. He was almost too good. A little too caring, a little too inquisitive. A little too close to knowing the real Jade and all her very real issues. She really did love him though. His charming good looks, the way he said I love you. If anything had been kept her around this long, it was beck. That's why she felt the tiniest bit of guilt for what she was about to do. Where she was about to do it. Jade was staying with Beck for the week. Things had been pretty rocky at her dads, and she had the marks to prove it. It was the closest Beck had been to even getting an idea of what she went through, and he didn't want her going home. Him looking after her though, didn't stop the demons in her head.

Now she stood in Becks 'bedroom,' in front of his makeshift mirror. He had gone out for an interview in an audition on some television show. He wouldn't be back for a good hour or two, hopefully enough time for her to pull off the unthinkable. Jade contemplated what she was about to do for a few minutes before she grabbed her sleeping pills and depression medication and popped them open. She poured into her hand a pill for the demons who called her unloved. Another two for that time mom called her fat. Three for the bruise on her ribs and four for the tear running down her cheek. Swallowing the first small handful she began to pour more into her hand. Five for her selfish behavior. Six for what she would be doing to Beck. Seven for thinking she mattered to anyone in the world.

For awhile, she stared at herself in the mirror. She had taken enough pills to finish her off and now she was getting woozy. She had read somewhere it took three hours upwards of excruciating pain before death set in. She hoped it was true. She had suffered so long in life, why not let the grim reaper deal her a little suffering as well?

**Authors note- First victorious story. Not beta'd and obviously written on my cellphone so please excuse errors. Just a thought I wanted to run with build possibly build off of. I know it's a little cliche bit whatever. Enjoy and please leave feedback (:**


	2. Chapter 2

It didn't take the small female to pass out, an hour tops maybe a little more. The last thing she heard was her phone vibrating at the front of the RV, on what would be the dashboard if the thing were ever driven. She tried to grip onto the sound and keep focus, but it was futile. Soon enough she was dreaming about Beck and that sweet face of his. A clear image was in her head of the horror his features would contort into when he found her. .

**Beck's POV**

**8:45 p.m**

I've been calling Jade my whole ride back. Only about a half an hours ride. I haven't even been gone more than two hours- what could she have found to do in such a short amount of time? I can't help but be a little worried, but I'm always nervous when she doesn't pick up my calls. . Which is often. At the moment I'm trying to chalk it up to her watching a movie, or talking to my mom in the house. I smile at this thought. Mom loves Jade. And I think she's a really good person to have around for Jade. I know her own mother is useless. I've always hoped that maybe mom will soften her up a little. I know deep down my Jade is a big softie.

Pulling up to my RV I'm astounded by what I see. Two cop cars and an ambulance. I can feel my hands beginning to shake and my throat go dry. What happened? My parents are in good health, my siblings staying at their grandparents for the weekend. Getting out of my truck I walk anxiously to my mother who's standing next to an officer. A sympathetic look comes across her face, which is a bit pale. "Oh beck," she says in a low whisper, bridging what gap was between us to hug me.

"Mom. . Mom what's going on?" I ask, only to have my question answered by the worst sight ever. My beautiful Jade. My sweet, beautiful jade strapped on a stretcher, obviously convulsing despite her restraints. Her eyes are wild and not focusing in on anything. I have to turn away, afraid of what I've just seen. "Mom what happened?" I ask wiping a tear free from my eye.

"Jades tried to overdose, Beck. I went to see if she was still here and found her in the middle of a seizure. Daddy held her still till the paramedics got here," the petite brunette told him. It was too much to handle. Why would she do such a thing? He thought she was doing better after her stay with him- after his assurance that she could stay indefinitely with him. He couldn't be angry with her, but beck couldn't help but ask himself why she would be so stupid. So selfish.

**So sorry for the short chapter. I've just gotten home from fright a friend into her new dorm and am exhausted- but I REALLY wanted to post something little here tonight. Ill add a longer chapter after work on Saturday. Till then, please leave feedback**.


	3. Chapter 3

Beck sat at her bedside day in and day out. The male was an absolute mess. He really felt like he wasn't whole, with Jade in here. Her parents never showed, and never called back, infuriating the dark haired male. How could they not care? How could they not care, while he was losing so much sleep over this. He looked different after only three days sleeplessness in her hospital room- his once bright brown eyes were dull and red rimmed, his hair dirty and disheveled. He felt like a shell of a person.

Jade is in a coma- the hospital running tests and monitoring her carefully. Apparently the mix of her medications had a great risk of ruining her mind or body, even though they had successfully pumped her stomach. His family was paying the bills. They were well off anyways, and his mother loved her like she was her own anyways. It only made sense for his family to pay for the best care possible, especially since they knew her own family wouldn't.

Becks friends had tried to get his mind off of the mess, but none of it was of use. Nothing worked. Even Cat, Jades best friend, and her childish ways couldn't pull him out of whatever rut he was suddenly in. She was there sitting with him though, proving her friendship to the couple in ways she would probably never understand. She hasn't acted as if Beck's talking to Jade is strange, she even encourages it some days.

**Jades POV**

It's weird, how when your dead, time isn't a real thing. How life after death is more like a dream than anything. For awhile I thought I was in hell, truly. I woke up, feeling nothing. The room I was in was bright and there were tubes in my stomach and down my throat. God it was sickening. But after that, everything been alright. I like this death thing. I even see beck- and hear him talking to me. We're together in my dreams. Sometimes he'll say something out of character or off topic- the other day he asked my why I couldn't just wake up. I was right there talking to him, awake as ever though. I heard cat chime in and appear out of nowhere telling him not to worry-it was so strange. Not a very good dream.

One thing that is good though, is that my parents are nowhere to be found in whatever world I've ended up in. Just me and my lovely Beckett. I don't even get angry here, I just smile on. The tubes from my first dreams have been replaced with gaping holes, but I've learned to live with it so far- once I will my mind away from them I'm alright.

Just now something really weird happened- beck started going off on some random tangent, crying and shaking with sobs. He was holding my hand and begging me to wake up. He was really scaring me. It was like he couldn't hear me when I said I was better than ever. He just kept going on and on about how he needed me- how life was miserable without me there and that he couldn't take it. I really didn't know what to do, everything I said fell upon deaf ears

**Becks POV**

**Back in the hospital room**

I was on my knees. Begging. I didn't care who saw me. I couldn't stop my tears, I had Jades lifeless hand in mine, nuzzled against my cheek. She was still so beautiful. "I need you, Jade. I can't live like this. Without you." My voice is low and rough. It almost hurts to speak and so I press jades hand against my forehead and pause. "Why did you have to do this? If I had just loved you a little more would things have changed? Please come back to me, Jade. Please,"

**Im hoping this translated okay. I wanted jade to be semi-lucid, but think she was dead / be unaware she was saved you know? Hope you like it. Also, I'll not be updating till this has at least ten reviews- that means SIX MORE till an update. With how many views this gets, I expect more .**


	4. Chapter 4

**authors note; I know it's been forever and I'm sorry for that. I just haven't really cared to write recently... Luckily I felt bad and like continuing for my own sake, and pulled up a bit of inspiration from god knows where. But anyways. Here you all go. Please review and let me know what you think / that your reading**

I felt something warm in my hand and I let my grasp twitch. I cannot tell if I'm in heaven or hell. Maybe I was sent to purgatory. . . No, Beck wouldn't be here if any of that were true and I distinctly hear his voice. He sounds upset though. Maybe I am in hell? Maybe my hell is hearing beck suffer. God no, I'm not that sweet and fluffy. Jade West does not cave under the sad sound of her boyfriends voice. Well maybe she does. Just a little. I can't remember the last time my thoughts were so lucid or I was so aware of my body. In fact: I can feel. I can feel everything and it fucking hurts. My body is in agony and I feel a sharp pain in my throat. Suddenly I pop my eyes open, only to be greeted by painfully blurred vision. This isn't where I remember being only moments ago. Where am I? And I swear I was standing, but am now laying- uncomfortably might I add, on some still bed.

I let my hazel eyes roam for a moment. Adjusting to my surroundings I see a very hopeful beck, his big brown, tired eyes shining with excitement. Abruptly my ears tune in, a loud beeping shaking my world violently. What is that sound and why will it not stop? Suddenly a woman dresses in scrubs walks in and that's when it dawns on me. Becks hopeful look, the nurses surprise, the now all too loud beeping and noises of life outside the door. My uncomfortable position and burning throat.

I have gone to hell. Yet I haven't physically died. Hell is a beautiful boy staring into my eyes, not letting me see how broken I've caused him to be. Hell is the physical torment I'm feeling, and agony in knowing I've failed myself. Hell is the real world that I've been living on for many years. Hell is the nurse running from my room to call a doctor, and the tears slipping slowly from my boyfriends eyes, my own hazel ones welling up as well.

"Jade," he whispers, finally breaking down. "Your alive," he gruffly adds, trying to force his own mix of anguish and joy away from his voice. My hazel eye just bore into his, sadly. Hell is my failure and the agony of Beck pulling me in for a hug, after I've betrayed him so boldly.


End file.
